Woodstock 50 Is Going To Be The Next Fyre Festival Betches

Despite how many influencers go to Coachella every year, the original Woodstock is still the most iconic music festival of all time. In August 1969, over 400,000 people made their way to upstate New York for a music festival that would be a defining moment in the counterculture generation. Over the years, there have been various revivals of the Woodstock festival, and this year, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Woodstock, is going to be the biggest of them all: Woodstock 50. Well, it’s supposed to be the biggest, but right now it’s looking like a total sh*tshow. Let’s examine what’s going on with what may end up being the Fyre Festival of upstate New York. Earlier this year, Michael …

5 Things Men Need To Stop Doing In Bed Betches

Ever since I was old enough to subscribe to women’s magazines, I have had mixed feelings about them. While I am a believer in self-improvement, the barrage of articles telling me I should change or improve some aspect of myself made me feel inadequate. Never was this feeling more acute than after reading the sex tips offered by these magazines. I thought I was doing just fine in this area and had never received a bad review, but if these magazines were to be believed, I would need to stand on my head and breathe through my nose while blindfolded in order to really impress in the bedroom. I’m all for keeping things exciting, especially in the context of a …

‘The Bachelorette’ Recap: We Found Jesus In The Shower

The BacheloretteBachelortearsI’m slightly more hopeful for despite the fact that I’m already mentally preparing myself to hear the phrase “Roll Tide!” no less than 1,000 times in this two-hour episode. In case anyone forgot, yes, Hannah B aka Alabama Hannah aka Little Miss Professional Runner-Up is the new Bachelorette! I feel like this season we might be in for a real treat and get a more down-to-earth, can’t-be-swayed-by-the-Flat-Tummy-Tea-deals type of Bachelorette, or we’ll get the type who won’t be able to speak words. As I said, a real treat! Just to set the mood for you guys, my dog, after seeing me break open a bottle of rosé and hearing the beginnings of Chris Harrison’s opening monologue, has already fled …

Everything You Need to Know About The Jenelle Evans/David Eason Dog Fiasco Betches

Teen MomTeen Mom 2Here’s what went down. Last week, David Eason, Jenelle Evans’ husband, purposefully shot and killed their French bulldog Nugget in North Carolina where they live. He now could go to jail for up to 4 months, which honestly seems like too little for such a vile act. Jenelle claimed he killed the dog because it was being aggressive toward Ensley, their 2-year-old daughter, and that she was seriously considering pressing charges against him for it (makes sense). I would press charges if someone gave my dog a weird look on the sidewalk, so David deserves whatever punishment is coming his way. A post shared by May 1, 2019 at 5:36am PDT “I dont give a damn what …

The Met Gala Worst-Dressed List: Does Anyone Understand Camp? Betches

Ah, the Met Gala. Every year, on the first Monday in May, the top names in fashion and entertainment gather to celebrate how rich and hot they are, and it’s always a treat. I mean, it’s technically a fundraiser, but we’re all here for the dresses. Year after year, the world’s best designers give us some serious couture looks based on whatever the theme is, and this year was no different. The thing is, this year’s theme (Camp: Notes on Fashion) was kind of an enigma. What exactly is camp? It’s hard to describe, but it’s basically an art that celebrates all things wild, over the top, ironic, and tacky. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with tie-dye or bonfires. …

What The Royal Babys Birth Chart Predicts About His Personality

On Monday, May 6 at 5:26 a.m. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, the Duchess and Duke of Sussex, welcomed a baby boy—jolting our collective ovaries and filling our Instagram feeds with congratulatory posts. The royal baby is seventh in line for the throne, and the eighth great-grandchild for Queen Elizabeth. And while most are busy waiting for a photo and a name reveal, thanks to astrology and the birth time, we’re already able to take a deeper look into the royal baby’s personality and what his relationships with his parents might be like. We are pleased to announce that Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcomed their firstborn child in the early morning on May 6th, 2019. …

Are We Done Being Extra? Betches

Last night, not one, but TWO celebrities announced their pregnancies: Blake Lively, at the New York City premiere of Pokémon: Detective Pikachu, and Keira Knightley, at a Chanel cocktail party in Paris (très chic). Now, what was surprising about both of these pregnancy announcements was just that—they weren’t really announcements at all. There was not some big press conference or statement released, not even an Instagram of a sonogram with a long caption. It was just “Here I am, and oh btw, I am carrying a child.” I love it. In a time where we are inundated with celebrity “news,” when everything from a double tap on an Instagram post to an airport outfit spawns headline after headline, this non-announcement announcement is …

Was ‘The Act’ Fair To Gypsy Rose Blanchard? Betches

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Hulu’s The Act.  As the finale nears, I’ve been reflecting on Hulu’s The Act—a masterpiece of true crime television, in my opinion, with one nagging issue. As a fictionalized version of events, The Act can and does take liberties with the truth. Some portrayals are adjusted in a flattering way; others are not. We also know that The Act chose not to consult Gypsy Rose Blanchard, who is currently in prison, or her family. As The Act season continues, and the show seems to increasingly turn on its lead character, I have to wonder: how much should a fictionalized show be able to editorialize before it becomes unethical? Was The Act fair to Gypsy Rose? According to Gypsy’s family, the answer is a …

The NFL Draft Is Ruining Bachelorette Parties In Nashville This Weekend Betches

I don’t know when Nashville became the unofficial bachelorette party capital of the United States, but it seems like every single person on this Earth who is getting married is having their bachelorette there. Don’t get me wrong, $2 PBRs and Hattie B’s hot chicken are great and all, but who was the bridezilla who decided that every single bride in America was going to have their bachelorette party in the same city? And why did we all just follow blindly while simultaneously acting like it is an original idea? (And don’t even get me started on the concept of destination bachelorette parties. I’m convinced these were just invented for Instagram. Oh, wait, you got me started.) But the internet …

Let’s F*cking Calm Down About Kylie’s Instagram Caption Betches

I guess I will just assume my role as the Betches resident Kylie Jenner response team (of one), because today everyone on the damn internet was in a frenzy about Kylie Jenner’s Instagram tribute to Travis Scott. First of all, now that I used the phrase “everyone on the damn internet” in earnest, please change my name to Gertrude and my age to 80, effective immediately. *Shakes fist at the sky* Great, now that you all have gotten off my lawn, let’s take a moment to dissect the caption that Kylie Jenner posted in honor of Travis Scott’s birthday. Travis turned 28 years old today, and Kylie is only 21, a fact that slightly shocks me, even though I definitely …

Wait, Kourtney Said She And Scott Are ‘Soulmates’?! Betches

Hi friends. Let’s talk about Scott and Kourtney. They were the OG Kardashian power couple, way before Kanye came on the scene and turned them all into robots. Obviously, they had their issues, and the romance didn’t last. In the past few years, we’ve seen them work on their relationship as parents, and it seems like they’ve come a long way. Of course, it’s fun to talk about if they’ll get back together, or what their astrology says about their relationship, what does this mean in real life? Are Scott and Kourtney ever going to be together again? Will we ever get more iconic scenes of them being petty about their relationship? Let’s discuss, because there have been new developments, …

Khlo Kardashian Denies Editing Her Instagrams In The Pettiest Way Betches

The Sup,Photoshop abominationsone more lumpy arm or a butt with missing chunksand let’s just say it was a petty masterpiece.  went down in Khloé’s IG comments, because apparently the comments section on Instagram is destined to be our generation’s courtroom. Here’s the sitch: last Friday Khloé posted a selfie to Instagram in which people in the comments section heavily implied that she had tampered with the photo. I’m not sure what gave her away: the millennial pink overlay or the fact that her face in this photo is entirely different than the one she was born with? Khloé wrote “Good vibes only” as her caption, which is pretty much an invitation for people to troll her photo—at least that’s what …

Scott Disick Is Coming For Chip & Joanna Gaines Empire Betches

Kanye’s Sunday serviceKim becoming the next Elle WoodsKhloe’s latest photo edit abominationE!Flip it Like DisickAccording to , the show is like but for the stars, and it will showcase Scott Disick’s “passion for luxury real estate and house flipping.” That’s right, the man who once said “I’m a big star, I don’t need to be dealing with you peasants” is essentially going to take on the role of the help and fix up his famous friends’ houses. K. And for those of you who thought Scott Disick’s talents were more in the realm of riding on the coattails of his ex-girlfriend’s fame and drinking on private planes than flipping houses, then shame on you! Apparently The Lord has been dabbling …