It Looks Like Jake Paul And Tana Mongeau’s Engagement Is Real Betches

A couple weeks ago, news of Jake Paul and Tana Mongeau’s engagement ripped through the internet like the world’s thirstiest tornado. Of course, it had to happen on the one week of the year I’ve been out of the office, so I wasn’t around to report on the initial fallout, but luckily this sh*tshow is still going strong. Even though we all still have our doubts that this relationship is truly legit, these two are in it for the long haul (or at least the long con). Jake Paul and Tana Mongeau wasted no time creating content to cash in on their relationship, including a whole set of JANA merch. Yes, that was the sound of me screaming into the …

The Players You Need To Know On The US Women’s Soccer Team Betches

Soccer has never been the most popular sport in the US, but it’s clearly time we pay some serious attention. The US Women’s soccer team is the best in the world right now, and they just won their second World Cup in a row. Compare that to the men’s team, who didn’t even qualify for the World Cup last year. Yikes. The USWNT is still fighting for equal pay despite being way better than their male counterparts, but these ladies are full-on superstars of their sport. If you’re just now getting used to the idea that you should be paying attention to women’s soccer, that’s okay. There’s a lot to keep track of, so we’re breaking down some of the …

Who Is Megan Thee Stallion? 5 Things To Know Betches

If you pay attention to music at all, chances are you’ve been hearing a lot about Megan Thee Stallion lately. And if you haven’t, well, you’re welcome, because I’m about to change your life for the better. It’s tough to keep up with all of the up-and-coming artists in the music industry, but Megan Thee Stallion is definitely one who needs to be on your radar. “Who is Megan Thee Stallion?,” you ask. Well, to start, she’s a 24-year-old rapper from Houston, TX, and she’s on a mission to take over the world. She’s been steadily grinding since 2016, and this year, her career has really blown up with her first major project being released. Now, Megan has gone especially viral with the …

All The Times Jameela Jamil Has Called Out The Kardashians Betches

most recent gripeThis is obviously not the first time that Jameela has come for the Kardashians, it’s just the latest battle in the war she is waging against the unattainable beauty standards the world has set for women, and that the Kardashians continue to perpetuate and profit off of. Such a lovely family! So, in honor of Jameela’s most recent display of straight-up badassery, let’s take a look at all the times she went after America’s First Family of Flat Tummy Tea.   The Appetite Suppressant Lollipops As my aunt likes to text me, “you go girl!” Personally, I would have used even a few more expletives, but I’m from Jersey. Those Brits are way f*cking classier. This is the first …

All The Terrifying Red Flags Luke P. Has Dropped This ‘Bachelorette’ Season Betches

Every year of The Bachelorette, I swear to myself that I won’t get as infuriated by next year’s villain. And every year, they trot out a new guy who seems specifically designed to raise my blood pressure. This year, I am of course talking about the villain Luke P.: CrossFit enthusiast and walking red flag. As exhausting as it is to see Hannah not send him home week after week, I’ve been really glad to see that most viewers have shied away from actively blaming her. As the other contestants point out, Luke shows a very different side to Hannah—and for f*ck’s sake, we’ve all fallen for a Luke at some point in our lives, and under far less stressful circumstances. …

RIP, Babe.net. You Were A Sloppy Party And I’m Still Hungover. Betches

Babe.net, the millennial pink Barbie dream house of a women’s website that became famous for its article accusing Aziz Ansari of sexual assault, has failed. Well, failure might be extreme, as their Instagram and some loyal staff tattoos still remain. According to a rollercoaster of an article in The Cut, Babe has ceased to create gems like “Here’s what type of hoe you are based on your star sign” forever. Looks like they should’ve hired me when I applied to work there in 2017… While it would be fair to blame the journalistic vodka-cranberry blackout that was the arguably sloppily reported Aziz Ansari piece, The Cut indicates that a series of other unprofessional practices contributed to their untimely demise. Babe, an extension of the …

The Two Worst Humans On The Planet Just Got Engaged Betches

Hello and welcome all, to your weekly dose of Youtuber news that you’re too embarrassed to admit you don’t quite understand because you’re old. Or maybe that’s just me! Unfortunately, our regular Youtube correspondent, 50 Shades of Betch, is out today, and I will be doing my best to fill his shoes. What I’m about to tell you is either the worst piece of real news ever, or a publicity stunt that isn’t even that smart because I don’t believe it from the get-go. Anyway, apparently two of the most problematic Youtubers to ever grace computer screens worldwide, Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul, are engaged. In related news, I just swallowed back some bile. But before we get into this …

Wait, Can Taking Biotin Be Bad For You? Betches

Unless you’ve been mia for the past few years, you know that biotin is the holy grail for fabulous hair, nails, and skin. Why? Your hair, skin, and nails are made up of a protein called keratin (yes, like the semi-permanent hair straightening treatment you get to tame your locks). Biotin helps to improve your keratin levels, and as a result, strengthens your hair, skin, and nails. Research is limited on the success of taking biotin, but from the countless celebrities who promote biotin-rich gummies (or start feuds over them—I’m talking to you, James and Tati) and from my own friends’ personal experiences, it can work. Want long locks? Biotin. Nails that won’t break? Biotin. Hydrated and acne-free skin? Biotin. Or …

NXIVM Sex Cult Leader Keith Raniere Found Guilty Betches

If you aren’t familiar with NXIVM, it was a sex cult under the guise of being a “self-help” group that was extremely brutal and abusive to women. Pronounced like the heartburn medication (sorry, their public relations team), it was built on members recruiting new members to try and advance their “personal growth,” and particularly in Hollywood, their careers. If you’re interested in a full on deep-dive into their inner workings, and how is involved, I recommend our podcast ’s that goes all into this. Listen below. As previously mentioned, NXIVM found a way to work itself into Hollywood and get some high-profile members to join, like Smallville actress Allison Mack and Seagram liquor heir Clare Bronfman, who were also found guilty …

The Betches’ Bachelorette Guide To Montreal Betches

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work. So we’re taking all the guesswork out of planning a bachelorette party by breaking down top bachelorette destinations. Our guides will tell you where to stay, eat, party, how to get around, and give you a sample itinerary that you can follow. You’re welcome. Here’s our Betches Bachelorette Guide to Montreal. When you think of Montreal, you might not automatically associate it with a bachelorette party. But unlike Cabo or Las Vegas, Montreal is the perfect destination for your last single ladies’ getaway. Why? The shopping is killer, the food is amazing, and you won’t be the 300th bachelorette party to walk into the strip club that night. While you …

The Saddest Celebrity Breakups Of All Time Betches

There’s nothing quite like getting far too invested in a celebrity relationship, am I right? The unadulterated joy you get from projecting your fantasies onto total and complete strangers. The inexplicable rush upon seeing photos of them on a red carpet, looking better than you probably will in your whole life. The perverse satisfaction derived from “insider news” from “trusted sources” that definitely wasn’t planted by either of their publicists. It’s one of the simple, incredibly invasive pleasures of living in the 21st century. But as the saying goes: celebrities, they’re just like us! Which means their relationships fail, even though we swore this time they wouldn’t. Except what’s different here is that the entire world watches and interjects their …

What Are The Rules Of Gilead? ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Ep. 2-3 Recap Betches

For this jumbo-sized Handmaid’s Tale recap, we’ll be tackling episodes two and three of season three of The Handmaid’s Tale because Hulu knows if you want to hook an audience you have to let them binge at least three episodes. Are we surprised that the people who brought Gilead to life are this devious? Speaking of Gilead, does anyone feel like they don’t understand this country’s rules anymore? Sometimes they’re cutting off women’s fingers for reading the Bible too sexily, and other times they’re sending June home from a kidnapping attempt with a slap on the wrist. IDGI. For example, here are some things that had absolutely no consequences last episode: -June kidnapping Nichole and sending her to Canada. -June attempting …

Millennials Are ‘Sick Of Drinking’, Which Is News To Me Betches

People just loooove to report on what millennials are doing—or more accurately, what we’re not doing. We’re not going to Applebee’s, we’re not having sex, and now, apparently, we’re not drinking. Huh. That’s news to me and the 16 mimosas I had at brunch just two days ago. The reason we’re talking about this (again, even though we just did this song and dance a few months ago) is because CNN recently published an article on “sober curious” millennials entitled, “People are sick of drinking. Investors are betting on the ‘sober curious’.” Mmkay. For those of you who are wondering, “sober curious” basically means people who are thinking about drinking less or going sober. So, like, all of us on a Sunday …

A Breakdown Of Everyone Competing On ‘Are You The One?’ Season 8 Betches

Are You The One?“dating show” by casting the first sexually fluid reality dating competition in the United States. Damn, MTV is over here making history, and ABC refuses to cast the first black Bachelor. Ball’s in your court, Mike Fleiss! T Show anchor. Not exactly something you want on your sizzle reel. Amber Martinez, 23 Amber is cute, but I swear I’ve seen this girl on every single previous season of . Her name was definitely Kayla last time. And Alivia. And Cam. And Jenna. And you get the point. Basit Shittu, 25 Now that I’ve sent Basit’s picture to my coworker for inspo, I can confidently say that Basit is the one everyone will go to for outfits when they …

5 Texts Guys Need To Stop Sending Betches

If anyone remembers me from what I consider my glory days of writing at Betches (circa 2014-2015), then you know that my forte was shading f*ckboys I was involved with (only, we didn’t call them f*ckboys back then—we just called them guys). Look, I hate men as much as any straight woman who pays attention to the news in 2019, but the one upside of dealing with them is that it brought me semi-viral hits such as “A Strongly Worded Letter To Guys Who Invite Me Over To Watch A Movie” and “How To Initiate Conversation On Dating Apps Without Sounding Like A Creep”. Well, I’m happy (read: dismayed) to announce that after a brief dip back into the dating …

The Best ‘Bachelorette Recap Youll Ever Read: Battle Of The Lukes Betches

Bachelorettelast week’s episodebreastfeeding. Then she decided to forgo the one-on-one date entirely in favor of lying in bed sick. Iconic. Finally, in a move that shocked absolutely no one, Hannah sent Cam packing at the rose ceremony. Apparently she didn’t love his retelling of when she asked him to tell her a little bit more about himself. Sad! some yard timeThey’ll be going to Newport, Rhode Island, and they act as if Chris just told them they won an all-inclusive trip to Croatia for Yacht Week. Sighs. Jed’s One-on-One Date: Hannah begins the date by absolutely butchering American history. She’s like “no taxation without representation…maybe. Idk. I saw it on a bumper sticker once!” Jesus Christ. I guess that’s just …